Contrary to what you may have heard from the Westboro Baptist Church, God does not hate fags. He hates rapists. So it is with as much pleasure I can muster for a game that I don’t really care about to congratulate the Green Bay Packers on their victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl Big Game Roman Numeral Equal to 45.
In advertising Prop Bet news: on first pass, there were quite a few mustaches, and Aliens crushed desert islands (Cowboys vs. Aliens?!?!? 2 Props in one!). Final score determinations will be made after a full review. Stay tuned…
Also: Aaron Rodgers is handsome, and Glee is horrible. Listen, I love auto-tune as much (more) than the average musically inclined person. But only when auto-tune is used in the style of Cher/T-Pain. When auto-tune is used to make shitty actors “passable” singers, it is evil. Fred Phelps needs to declare war on a new enemy.
apatheticallydecomposing 
Excellent twitter work, although I regret to say I was not following my feed live during the game (it might have interfered with my continuous mac and cheese consumption).
I did, however, loudly announce credit to Hazenberger every time one of your categories was dinged. And there was a lot of dinging. The early groin hit, extreme harpy wife (both Pepsi ads?), and alien activity was especially exciting.
But the moment of the night came in that first Career Builder ad, when the three chimps showed up. “I HAD MONKEYS UNDER 3.5,” I bellowed with delight. “THAT’S ONLY THREE MONKEYS. THIS IS PERFECT!… OH FUCK… ANOTHER CAR… FUUUUUUUUCK. FUCKING FOURTH MONKEY. GOD DAMN IT ALL.”
Monkeys at 3.5 should be shown to all budding Vegas oddsmakers as definition of a perfect over/under line.
Also, the competition might have been strong (Aguilera, Black Eyed Peas, Glee), but Lil Wayne was definitely the musical act of the night. This played with every Packer TD.
(I also played Black and Yellow for every Steelers’ score. It’s a remarkably re-listenable tune, in short stretches at least.)