Genesis of an Obsession, Part II

When we last saw our intrepid bicycle cavalry, they had narrowly survived a savage goose attack and were cycling onward toward Ohiopyle State Park.

File Photo: Canada Goose family thirsty for cyclist blood

Shaken, but unharmed, we decided to stop for lunch in Rockwood, PA home of the famous Rock City Cafe. This “Cafe”  is really a standard issue bar with 3 tables that happens to serve a limited menu of standard diner fare. The waitress, a withered old crone with zero patience for yuppy bicycle travelers, could not have been less hospitable had she stabbed us and stolen our bikes. Me: “Can I get a Diet Coke?” Waitress: “You know, you can just walk over and grab a bottle out of the cooler” Me: [befuddled stare] Waitress: [exasperated sigh. Returns 10 minutes later and practically throws 20 oz bottle of Diet Pepsi on the table] Me: “Thanks” [thinking to self: Please don’t let this turn into Deliverance]

Despite the poor service (typical Yelp review: “Service was bad enough to make me lose my appetite.” Editor’s note: There are no Yelp reviews of the Rock City Cafe) my appetite was not lost. Operating at a calorie deficit from biking all day makes every morsel of food taste like God’s own smorgasboard. I can get transcendent cheesesteaks at many places in Philadelphia, but at this moment and under these circumstances, the Rock City cheesesteak rivaled the mighty Dalessandro’s for pure deliciousness.

Did I mention food is incredible? About 18 miles after lunch we stopped in Confluence, PA (note: The actual town of Confluence, PA is more outdated that their GeoCities-esque website would indicate.) for ice cream at Suder’s Soft Freeze (“Best Food By a Dam Site”)

Best Food By a Dam Site. Because it's near a Dam. Get it?

I had a brownie sundae. I’ve never been stoned after not eating for 2 days, but I can’t imagine that this brownie sundae could have tasted any more delicious under those circumstances. And here’s the thing. Objectively, as a food snob, I could tell that the brownie was too dry and cakey and the soft serve was standard issue, the fudge was pre-packaged. But I have never enjoyed an ice cream confection more than I enjoyed this one. (A Chipwich I had later in the trip comes in a close second for all time great ice cream confections)

The Great Allegheny Passage trail, in addition to being well maintained, is often quite beautiful. We passed by many splendid waterfalls and mini run-offs over the course of the first day. About 5 miles from camp, we noticed a lovely example and stopped for a refreshing splash.

EXHILARATING!!!

Soaking wet, but cool and refreshed, we finish the last few miles and arrive at Ohiopyle State Park. Exhausted after biking 72 miles, we couldn’t wait to set up camp then head down to the local bar for food and drinks. Our plan was delayed, however, when we learned that the entrance to the camp site from the bike trail side was half a mile straight up a TREACHEROUS CLIFF.

Artist's Rendering: The hill to the camp site

Because we are all extreme adventurers, we gamely walked our bikes up the pathway to the campsite. By this time, another storm front had closed in, and it began to rain just as we finished setting up camp. Luckily for us, our camp site is right near the camp bathrooms, so we grab quick showers and change so that we may look our best for the fine ladies of Ohiopyle. Working off a bit of misinformation (we are told that the bars close at 8 o’clock, it’s now quarter until) we convince a park ranger to drive us down the hill to the main street in town. “Just don’t tell anybody you’ve got a ranger driving you down to the bar.” It turns out that the grocery store does in fact close at 8, but the Falls City Restaurant & Pub keeps normal bar hours.

The next few minutes are a bit of a daze. I remember a sky-scraping pile of nachos, and a chicken sandwich topped with crab meat and bacon. I remember shoveling food and quaffing beer. Never before in the history of man have thirsts been so completely slaked by Guiness drafts, Magic Hat #9s and Victory Hop Devils. (Quite an impressive draft beer selection for a bar in the middle of nowhere).

After dinner, I unsuccessfully tried to get the internet juke box to play Jack Sparrow (It was listed, but the stupid thing kept stealing my money!) while J-Press destroyed me in multiple games of pool.

We made our way back to camp around 10 o’clock and passed out. What would Day 3 have in store? Find out, in our thrilling conclusion….