When God closes a door, he opens a dress.

And we’re back.

“Nostalgia – it’s delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It let’s us travel the way a child travels – around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.”

-Mad Men, episode 13 “The Wheel” written by Matthew Weiner and Robin Veith

On to Set #13

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What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons

In the Blogosphere, timing is everything. Which is why it made sense to wait a week for all the Super Bowl “Big Game” hype to die down before weighing in with the results of our Magnificent Porringer Commercial Prop Bet Challenge. (Also, re-watching the commercials was a daunting and unappealing task. And I was lazy. But I do it for you, dear readers.) So follow me below the fold, for a set by set recap of the best and worst that Madison Avenue had to offer.

Big Game Roman Numeral equal to 45 contained 29 commercial sets between opening kickoff and the last set after the final whistle. I decided not to count promos for Fox shows toward the final totals because I couldn’t decide if Matthew Morrison from Glee is a legitimate celebrity. (Leaning towards “No”). Also, if you care about NASCAR (coming soon, on FOX) you would also probably be entertained for hours by this. You can go there now. For the rest of you, on to the blow by blow.

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Instant Karma’s Gonna Get You

Contrary to what you may have heard from the Westboro Baptist Church, God does not hate fags. He hates rapists. So it is with as much pleasure I can muster for a game that I don’t really care about to congratulate the Green Bay Packers on their victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl Big Game Roman Numeral Equal to 45.

In advertising Prop Bet news: on first pass, there were quite a few mustaches, and Aliens crushed desert islands (Cowboys vs. Aliens?!?!? 2 Props in one!). Final score determinations will be made after a full review. Stay tuned…

Also: Aaron Rodgers is handsome, and Glee is horrible. Listen, I love auto-tune as much (more) than the average musically inclined person. But only when auto-tune is used in the style of Cher/T-Pain. When auto-tune is used to make shitty actors “passable” singers, it is evil. Fred Phelps needs to declare war on a new enemy.

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The enormous football event that shall not be named

This Sunday, America turns its eyes to the world of sports, specifically, American-style Foot-ball. Unlike the real football played everywhere else in the world, this peculiar creation has very little kicking, and is apparently an enormously popular juggernaut, generating close to $8 Billion dollars in annual revenue.

The American Foot-ball championship game (dubbed the Magnificent Porringer by those of us who do not have permission from the commissioner’s office) will draw in roughly 90 Million viewers, well over 96% of whom could care less about the game, and tune in to watch the commercials (or to see if Fergie’s bosom will fall out, or if she will start doing meth on stage during the halftime show). The game is also very popular among America’s degenerate gambling community, who will wager on everything from the outright winner, to how long Christina Aguilera will hold the note on “brave” during the National Anthem.

It has been the sport’s great omission that to this point in history no blog called apatheticallydecomping has ever held a prop bet contest specifically geared toward the game’s advertisements. It is now up to us, a blog that just so happens to carry the aforementioned name to right this grievous wrong.

The rules of our contest are simple: players who would like to participate should share their answers in comments in list format with #s corresponding to the bet #. Commercials airing between the opening kickoff and the set immediately following the final whistle will count towards the prop bets. Replayed commercials will only be counted once. The player who has the most bets correct will win a special mention on the blog, and probably some sort of prize that I will buy at the dollar store. So gather round children, zip it listen. And tell your friends. The more participants, the more fun we will all have.

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